Five Gods Exiled — 74 of 191

Chapter 4 - Selection Memories

To remember a selection memory:

now the current person is the associated NPC of the current memory;

if the relationship of the associated NPC of the current memory is instructor:

say "At first, classes were always in groups - you needed the support of the other people around you to keep the melodies in your mind strong and keep the will of the gods from taking you over. But later, [given name of the instructor-person] [surname of the instructor-person] split you up, leaving four people together and taking one aside. By then, you were studying in the [one of]abandoned[or]forgotten[or]back part of the[at random] [one of]gym[or]warehouse[or]restaurant[or]art studio[or]dance studio[at random] [one of]across the street from where you used to work[or]on the north side[or]on the west side[or]on the east side[or]on the south side[or]over the river[or]across from the church[or]near [nickname of the instructor-person]'s home[at random], so there was a convenient side room.[paragraph break]After so many [one of]hours[or]days[or]weeks[at random] of practice, you could drop into trance anywhere, but as you started to seat yourself on the floor, [nickname of the current person] said, 'Wait.' On the edge of the singing darkness, you hovered, bewildered, and looked up at the [gr-age].[paragraph break]'We need to talk,' [zhe] said, and [zhe] gestured you to the second chair. You sat, bewildered, and [zhe] said, 'I've made the selection. I know who's going to be crossing over.' ";

if the affection strength of the associated NPC of the current memory > 3:

say "'Me.' Your [voice type of the player] voice sounded strange in your own ears, but as you looked at your instructor's [one of]sad[or]unhappy[or]troubled[at random] [eye color of the current person] eyes, you knew that you were right. 'I'm going back to the real world. Like all the times we practiced.'[paragraph break]'You', [zhe] confirmed, and then, in a rush - 'But I'm sorry, [given name of the player]. I'm so sorry.'[paragraph break]And you knew why [zhe] was sorry - because no matter how hard [zhe] tried to hold [zhim]self apart, no matter how hard [zhe] tried to be a general instead of a soldier, [zhe] liked you. And you liked [zhim]. And now, in all ways that mattered, [zhe] was sending you out to die. ";

otherwise if the affection strength of the associated NPC of the current memory < 3:

say "'Me.' Your [voice type of the player] voice echoed off the walls. 'I see.'[paragraph break]For a moment, you just stared at [zhim] - this [physical impression of the current person] [gr-age] for whom you had learned no love. You wondered if that might not be a hint of a smile on [zher] lips, a slight twitch of muscle in [zher] [skin tone of the current person] cheek. You wondered if it might not be a test.[paragraph break]'Well?' [zhe] demanded, and you heard the waver in [zher] [voice type of the current person] voice, and you knew suddenly that it wasn't a test. [Zhe] was afraid that you would refuse. You really were the best person to go, and [zhe] was terrified that you would refuse because, in all ways that mattered, [zhe] was sending you out to die. ";

otherwise:

say "'Me.' Your [voice type of the player] voice echoed off the walls.[paragraph break]'You,' [zhe] confirmed. '";

if the rationale of the player is personal desire:

say "You want it more than anyone else - ";

otherwise if the rationale of the player is intelligence:

say "You're brighter than anyone else here, ";

otherwise if the rationale of the player is dexterity:

say "You focus through movement better than anyone else here, ";

otherwise if the rationale of the player is endurance:

say "You have a higher pain tolerance than anyone else here, ";

otherwise if the rationale of the player is scientific skill:

say "You're better at the calculations than anyone else here, ";

otherwise if the rationale of the player is blessing of the gods:

say "You know when the gods are near, and you know how to block them out of your mind. You're better at it than anyone else here, ";

otherwise if the rationale of the player is conviction of ideals:

say "You want it more than anyone else here, ";

otherwise if the rationale of the player is random chance:

say "You're the one.'[paragraph break]'Why me?' you [one of]demanded[or]asked[or]whispered[at random].[paragraph break][Zhe] opened [zher] mouth, hesitated, and then shrugged. With brutal honesty, [zhe] said, 'Luck of the draw, I suppose. It had to be someone.' And more softly, 'But I am sorry.' ";

if the rationale of the player is not random chance:

say "and that will make a difference. You're more likely to succeed than anyone else, and we can't afford anything less than success.' And more softly, 'But I am sorry.' ";

say "[paragraph break]But you wanted to go. ";

if the motivation of the player is the motivation of the current person:

say "Unlike your instructor, ";

otherwise:

say "Like your instructor, ";

if the motivation of the player is familial love:

say "you had more than yourself to live for - but that meant you had more than yourself to die for, too. You wouldn't survive this, but your family would. ";

otherwise if the motivation of the player is romantic love:

say "you had more than yourself to live for - but that meant you had more than yourself to die for, too. You wouldn't survive this, but the one you have to save would. ";

otherwise if the motivation of the player is duty:

say "you were driven by a sense of duty - and if you were the best one to go, then you were ready to answer that call. You had seen too many of the horrors of this world to refuse. ";

otherwise if the motivation of the player is idealism:

say "you were driven by your ideals. You knew your own strengths and your own failings, and you knew that you can make it through the trials ahead. You knew that you could be the one who saved the world. ";

otherwise if the motivation of the player is revenge:

say "you were driven by revenge. No natural force brought this about - it was pure human planning in the face of panic. Someone thought humanity was better off without its gods than with them, and someone ended the world. And when the end of the world was over, then those who survive you would make that person, or those people, answer for this hell. ";

otherwise if the motivation of the player is fear:

say "you were driven by fear. If the world couldn't be saved, it would only get worse - and you'd seen too many horrors here (dead-eyed programmers typing on empty air when their computers have been pulled away, children [one of]walking[or]skipping[or]running blindly[at random] into the paths of drivers who never stop, butchers rendering something more grisly than lamb) to endure any more. You'd accepted this. ";

otherwise if the motivation of the player is ambition or the motivation of the player is economic incentive:

say "you were driven by ambition. And you knew [if the motivation of the player is the motivation of the current person](and [zhe] knows) [end if]that this might not really be the end - that what [zhe] knew about the real world might be lesser and more mundane than anything that's really over there. [if the motivation of the player is economic incentive]And if you survived - somehow - then you stood to be in a much, much better place in the remade world than anyone could be in this nightmare and ruin. ";

otherwise if the motivation of the player is curiosity:

say "you were driven by curiosity. You had to know what the real world was like - you had to know what was over there through more than your mentor's words shaping your trance. You had to go yourself because there would never be a time or a place like this again. ";

if the affection strength of the associated NPC of the current memory > 3:

say "And so you smiled at [zhim], and [zhe] smiled back in relief, and in some back corner of your mind, you thought, [italic type]This is the end of the beginning of the end of the end of the world.[roman type]";

otherwise if the affection strength of the associated NPC of the current memory < 3:

say "And in some back corner of your mind, you thought, [italic type]This is the end of the beginning of the end of the end of the world.[roman type]";

otherwise:

say "And you would go, whether [zhe] wished it were you or not. This was your time and your chance. And in some back corner of your mind, you thought, [italic type]This is the end of the beginning of the end of the end of the world.[roman type]";

otherwise if the affection strength of the associated NPC of the current memory < 3:

now the secondary person is the instructor-person;

say "Some time after [given name of the secondary person] [surname of the secondary person] moved [zher2] class to the [one of]abandoned[or]forgotten[or]back part of the[at random] [one of]gym[or]warehouse[or]restaurant[or]art studio[or]dance studio[at random] [one of]across the street from where you used to work[or]on the north side[or]on the west side[or]on the east side[or]on the south side[or]over the river[or]across from the church[or]near [nickname of the instructor-person]'s home[at random], your [gr of the current person] touched your arm as you were leaving and asked, '[reverse nickname of the current person]? Can I talk with you for a moment?'[paragraph break]Although your feelings toward the [gr-age] had rapidly been souring, there was something in [zher] [voice type of the current person] voice, some expression on [zher] [physical impression of the current person]face, that made you agree [if the relationship of the current person is spouse or the current person is blood-relation]to go down the street a ways with [zhim] instead of home as you had intended[otherwise]instead of pointing out that you would be in the same place that evening, that you lived together, that you had other tasks right now[end if]";

say ".[paragraph break]Having been so anxious before, now [given name of the current person] couldn't seem to figure out how to begin. You watched the [style impression of the current person] dressed [gr-age] as [zhe] fiddled with [zher] sleeve buttons, studied [zher] [skin tone of the current person] skin, and finally asked, 'Well?'[paragraph break]'[given name of the instructor-person] picked me.' It came out in a rush. '[Zhe2] asked me to come early, and took me aside, and told me that I was the one. I'm not supposed to tell anyone.' [Zhe] ran a hand back over [zher] [hair reference].[paragraph break]'Then why are you telling me?' you [one of]snapped[or]demanded[or]asked[or]asked cautiously[or]frowned[at random].[paragraph break]'Because I can't go.' [Given name of the current person] [one of]wrung [zher] hands[or]bit at a fingernail[or]stared at you[or]stared at the curb[or]stared at a tree across the street for a moment. Cars went whizzing by, occupied by dead-eyed men and women who never looked left or right[at random]. 'I thought... I thought perhaps you could. ";

if the motivation of the current person is familial love:

say "My family - '";

if the current person is blood-relation or the relationship of the current person is spouse:

say "[paragraph break]'My family too. Or aren't you my [gr of the current person] any more?' Shock flashed brightly in [given name of the current person]'s eyes as you went on. 'For the sake of [italic type]our[roman type] family, you think that I should go out and die? That's charming, [given name of the current person] - really charming. ";

otherwise:

say "[paragraph break]'You say it like I don't have a family. Did you think I rose from the ocean one day? Or scientists built me in a lab? Do you think I don't have anyone to care about?' Shock flashed brightly in [given name of the current person]'s eyes as you went on. 'For the sake of [italic type]your[roman type] family, you think that I should go out and die? That's charming, [given name of the current person] - really charming. ";

if the motivation of the player is familial love:

say "[paragraph break]'As it happens, I love my family too. I love my family enough to die for them.' You took a breath. 'And if you only love your family enough to live for them... then I suppose you had better stay. You had better stay and help them get through this, when I save the [one of]goddamn[or]whole damn[or]freaking[or]friggin'[or]fucking[at random] world.'";

otherwise:

say "[paragraph break]'As it happens, I want to go. But I don't plan to die. I plan to get through this.' You could feel [one of]your fingernails digging into your thigh as you struggled for self-control[or]your fingernails biting into your palm as you clenched a fist[or]the way [zhe] ooked at you, though you were looking away[or]the wind from the passing cars on your skin, dangerously close[at random]. 'And if I get through this, you'd better have an apology for me.' ";

otherwise if the motivation of the current person is duty:

say "When the end comes - when the end has come - someone has to help put the world back together. They'll need me.'[paragraph break][if the profession of the current person is unemployed]'You weren't even employed. But you think they need you to put the world back together.'[otherwise]'You think they'll need a [profession of the current person].'[end if][paragraph break]'Yes,' [zhe] said sharply. 'I do. Don't you?'";

if the profession of the current person is the profession of the player:

say "[paragraph break]'[if the player is unemployed]I know I'm unemployed, but are you forgetting that I'm useful[otherwise]Are you forgetting I'm a [profession of the current person] too[end if][if the relationship of the current person is colleague or the relationship of the current person is supervisor or the relationship of the current person is employee]? Are you forgetting we used to work together[end if]?'";

otherwise:

say "'[if the player is unemployed]More than they'll need me? They might need me too. Who's to say they won't need me more than you[otherwise]More than a [profession of the player][end if]?' you demanded, indicating yourself with one sweep of a hand.[paragraph break]";

say "[paragraph break]'They'll need me more than you,' [zhe] said, and you knew [zhe] was right. And you agreed.";

otherwise:

say "I can't do it.' And you thought [zher] voice trembled, though it might just have been the sound of[one of]cars speeding past[or]water flowing under the bridge[or]a sudden gust of wind whipping past the buildings[or]distant rain[or]distant music[at random]. 'I can't do it. I'm too afraid. But you can.'[paragraph break]'As it happens, I want to go.' It was the truth. 'But I don't plan to die. I plan to get through this.' You could feel [one of]your fingernails digging into your thigh as you struggled for self-control[or]your fingernails biting into your palm as you clenched a fist[or]the way she looked at you, though you were looking away[or]the wind from the passing cars on your skin, dangerously close[at random]. 'And if I get through this, you'd better be ready to make good.'";

say "[paragraph break]For the gratitude - the way [zhe] started to say something, the way [zhe] stopped - the way [zhe] lifted one hand and dropped it again - for all of those things, you hated [zhim] then, with a numb, dull hate. Because, while you had all your reasons to go... [zhe] had decided that [zher] life was more important than yours, and you let [zhim].";

otherwise:

now the secondary person is the instructor-person;

say "The phones were working again, so, instead of trying to corner [given name of the instructor-person] [surname of the instructor-person] after class, you called [zhim2] from [one of]an empty office[or]home[at random]. The ringing jarred oddly with the focus melody always running in the back of your mind, but you concentrated and didn't let it distract you. Your instructor's [voice type of the instructor-person] voice was cautious over the line. 'Yes?'[paragraph break]'[nickname of the instructor-person], it's [given name of the player]. I wanted to talk to you about [given name of the current person].'[paragraph break]'What about [zhim]?' The [voice type of the instructor-person] voice was guarded now.[paragraph break]'Don't choose [zhim]. Please.'[paragraph break]There was a pause. 'We'll talk after the next class. We shouldn't talk about this now.'[paragraph break]'It couldn't wait three more days. If you won't talk with me over the phone, I'll meet you. Just tell me where.'[paragraph break]There was another pause before [nickname of the instructor-person] [one of]rattled off[or]spat out[or]recited[or]growled[at random] a coded location. 'I'll be there,' you promised, and, after another few words, you hung up the phone.[paragraph break]Only then did you turn back to your [gr of the current person] sitting silently nearby. [Given name of the current person] was still shaking, and [zher] [eye color of the current person] eyes were fixated on [one of]a nearby coat rack[or]a nearby bookshelf[or]the surface of the desk[or]nowhere in particular[or]the curtained window[at random]. 'You don't have to go, [nickname of the current person],' you said. 'I'll arrange things somehow. I'll arrange it all.'";

say "[line break]'[one of]I believe you[or]Thank you[or]Thank you so much[or]I can't ever repay you[or]Thank God[at random],' [zhe] said, with painful sincerity in [zher] [voice type of the current person] voice.[paragraph break]";

if (the motivation of the player is familial love and (the current person is blood-relation or the relationship of the current person is spouse)) or (the motivation of the player is romantic love and the current person is the player-commitment):

if the affection strength of the associated NPC of the current memory > 3:

say "'Anything for you,' you said, and it was true. The secret, painful truth was that it was all for [zhim] - that your [gr of the current person] was all that drove you through this, all that kept you clinging to the focusing melodies and fighting back the voices of the gods. You'd managed to keep it a secret.[paragraph break]But maybe [zhe] did know, because there was a wet shimmer tracing its way down [zher] [skin tone of the current person] cheek, and a second. Maybe [zhe] did know that your world was only worth saving for [zhim].";

otherwise:

say "'Anything for you', you said, and it wasn't quite a lie. It only tasted like a lie because you felt the voices of the gods so close by, almost too close for you to fight them off, and if you just stopped holding out, it would be such a relief. But it would leave your [gr of the current person] without hope, and you couldn't do that.[paragraph break]And maybe [zhe] knew, because there was a wet shimmer tracing its way down [zher] [skin tone of the current person] cheek, and a second. Maybe [zhe] knew that you weren't saving the world for [zhim], but for yourself - to silence those unbearable voices without leaving [zhim] alone and afraid. Yet it was close enough to love to count.";

otherwise:

say "'As it happens, I want to go. But I don't plan to die. I plan to get through this.' You laughed a little bit, and then said, 'Just so you know. This isn't the end for me.'[paragraph break]'This isn't the end for you,' [zhe] agreed. But you saw a wet shimmer tracing its way down [zher] [skin tone of the current person] cheek, and a second. [Zhe] didn't believe you. [one of]But that was all right; you were always a lousy liar[or]But that was all right; you would prove [zhim] wrong in time[at random].".